General Jokes... 5

☻Two blondes were driving to Disney Land when they saw a sign that read, "Disney Land left"

So they turned round and went home.

☻Drink until she's cute

But stop before the wedding!

☻Guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.

The waiter replies 'nothing special - we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die'.

☻He said: "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it."

She said: "You wear underpants, don't you?"

☻What's the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need; a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

General Jokes... 4

☻Never let a man's mind wander,

It's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

☻What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?

Tarzipan!

☻Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?

No you can have turkey like everyone else !

☻Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The turkey - he's always stuffed !

☻We had grandma for Christmas dinner?

Really, we had turkey!

☻This turkey tastes like an old settee.

Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing.

☻What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?

ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L !!)

☻Why did the blond woman sneak past the pharmacy?

She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!

General Jokes... 3

☻Yesterday night I lay on my bed looking at the stars, then I wondered...

Hey, where on aearth IS MY ROOF!

☻I wanted to send you something that would make you smile...

But the postman told me to get out of the mailbox

☻Drive carefully:

90% of people in this world are caused by accidents...

☻God made man and then rested,

God made women and then no one rested

☻Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

It's like when dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

☻blonde is on 1 side of a lake and yells 2 another blonde across the lake, 'How do I get 2 the other side?'

The other blonde yells back, 'U R on the other side!'

☻How do you keep a blonde busy all day?

Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

☻What do u call a blonde hiding in a closet?

The 1987 world hide and seek champion

☻What do 7'tall basketball players do in their off season?

Go to the movies and sit in front of you

☻Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went it would be hell

General Jokes... 2

☻Wht did 1 magnet say 2 T oTr magnet?

I find U V @tractive.

☻Hw do U kp an idiot amused?

W@ch ths message until it goes away!

☻Tre wr 2 cows in a field - Daisy & MaBl.

D: 'I've bn artificially insemin@ed.' M: 'I dnt Blieve U!' D: 'Straight up, no bull!'

☻Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But don't worry...

I'm sure science Will come up With something To help you.

☻How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her

How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer

☻There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed!

And of course adonkey to pay her bills!!

☻The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,

because the average man can see better than he can think

☻Brain Search: Brain detector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your gsm....

still searching.......no brains found

General Jokes... 1

☻Wht do U cll a triple barrel shotgun?

A trifle.

☻Wht do U cll a h&cuffed man?

Trus2rthy.

☻Wht do Mexicns hv under Tir carpets?

Underlay! Underlay!

☻Wht's T maximum penalty of bigamy?

2 moTrs-in-law.

☻Wht do U get if U cross a skunk with a boomerang?

A bad smell U cnt get rid of.

☻Wht's T fastest cake in T world?

Sc1.

☻Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense?

I'll tel U l8r.

☻Y R dumb blonde jokes all 1-liners?

So men cn underst& Tm.

☻Wot do U do if a blonde throws a grenade @ U?

Take T pin out & throw it back.

☻Hv U hrd about T magic trac2r?

It went down a country road & turned in2 a field.

Cool Jokes

☻ VALUE OF LOVE

LovE is Not HoW LonG U've BeeN 2gEthEr; nOt HoW MucH U've GIvEn oR RecEivE; Not hOw MaNy TimEs U've HeLpEd EaCh OthEr --- Its HoW U VALUE EaCh OtHEr...

☻ STILL LOVING U

i håtê Smî|îÑg jûSt tO prEtêñD î'M ñOt hUrt. î hÅtE to gîGglê tO Show î'll ßê okåY. î hAtE tO laUgh aFtEr î Cry. í Stìll lovE YOU ßût í'Vé tó SaY gooDbYê...

☻ NEWSPAPER

Some newspapers publish untrue news, but there is one thing that is true. What is it? >>> Date <<<

☻ NEVER REGRET WHAT YOU DO

Don't regret what you've did, but regret what you never did, go and say 'I LOVE U' to your loved one!

☻ YOUR FUTURE

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't get on well in life until you let go of past failures and heartaches. ☻ NEEDS Every girl wants one guy to meet all her needs, while every guy wants all the girls to meet his one need. ☻ HUGGING YOU Last night I hugged my pillow and dreamt of you... I wish that someday I'd dream about my pillow and I'd be hugging you. ☻ CHARACTER VS REPUTAION Be MorE Concerned AbouT YouR CharacteR ThaN YouR ReputationN BecausE YouR CharacteR Is WhO YoU ArE AnD YoU ReputaioN Is WhaT OtherS ThinK Of YoU!!! ☻ 1 HEARTBEAT When I look at you, my heart skips 1 beat but later that beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted on some thing i knew i could never have! ☻ GIRLS ARE LIKE... Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Adult Jokes

☻The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

☻Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.

☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

☻Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?

☻rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

☻LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

☻Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

☻Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.

☻Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

Love Jokes ... 4

☻ ADVICE ON LIVING

Dance like no one's watching; sing like no one's listening; love like you can't get hurt, and live like there's no tomorrow.

☻ QUICKSAND

LoVe iS LiKe QuiCkSanD - ThE DeEpEr yOu FaLL iN iT ThE HaRdeR iT iS tO GeT OuT.

☻ IN MY ARMS

You showed me how it is to be loved. Now I know what really love is. 1 day we will be together forever. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.

☻ WHAT IS TRUE

There's a warmth in my heart. It haunts me when U R gone. Mend me 2 ur side and never let go. The more I live The more I know, wat's simple is true, I love you.

☻ FLAME OF YOURS

I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU! ☻IN LOVE WITH YOU There are times when I fall in love with someone new, but I always seem to find myself back in love with you. ☻: SOMEONE ELSE The hardest thing you'll ever do is watch the one u love, love someone else. ☻ OUT OF MY CONTROL Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. ☻ HEART TO CIRCLE Always draw a circle around the ones you love, never draw a heart because hearts can be broken, but circles are never ending.

Love Jokes ... 3

☻ I FOUND U

Love is like a cloud... love is like a dream... love is 1 word and everything in between... love is a fairytale come true... Coz I found love when I found U.

☻ IT HURTS

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what hurts more is to love someone, and never find the courage to let them know how you feel.

☻ FORGET YOU

It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

☻ IT NEVER SEEMS TO LAST

I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because every time I fall in love... it never seems to last.

☻ FALL IN LOVE

People say you only fall in love once, but when I hear your voice I fall in love all over again

Love Jokes ... 2

☻: STILL LOVING U

i håtê Smî|îÑg jûSt tO prEtêñD î'M ñOt hUrt. î hÅtE to gîGglê tO Show î'll ßê okåY. î hAtE tO laUgh aFtEr î Cry. í Stìll lovE YOU ßût í'Vé tó SaY gooDbYê...

☻ NEVER REGRET WHAT YOU DO

Don't regret what you've did, but regret what you never did, go and say 'I LOVE U' to your loved one!

☻ LOVE IS SO CONFUSING

Love makes life so confusing but without love would you want to live?

☻ REALITY

Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep, Because Reality Is Better Than A Dream.

☻WHY IS HE NOT MINE...

wOrLd iS cRueL, LoVe iS bLinD. LoSt iN sAdnEsS, BluR In miND. HeArT iS bRoKeN, fLaMe hAd DiEd. TiMe HaS pAsSeD bUt wHy iS hE... sTiLL nOt mInE...

Love Jokes ... 1

☻ 2NITE WITH ME

A sMiLe tO pUt You On HiGh... A KisS To Set YoUr SouL ALriGhT... WouLd iT bE aLriGhT iF I spEnT ToNiTe BeiNg LovED bY YoU???

☻LOVE YOU

Never WasTe an OppOrtuniTy 2 sAy 'I LoVe U' to Someone u ReaLLy Like, Coz it is noT EvEryDaY u'll mEEt tHe PerSoN WhO hAs tHe MaGic 2 lEt u fAll iN love...

☻ TRUE LOVE

True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.

☻ FRIENDS 4 LIFE

Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!

☻: FIRST SIGHT

FiRsT NiTe, FiRsT SiGhT, I SaW, I KnEw, LoVe's SwEEtEr ThAn MoUnTaiN DeW, A pRoMiSe I mAdE and' WiLL kEEp, 2 LoVe YOU aLwAys~

Erotic Jokes

☻Suspense	how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!
☻Statistics	At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS
☻Farmer Joneshas	farmer Joneshas got no sheep, isn't life a drag? coz they're all burning in a field he's got no sheep to shag
☻Gary Gliter	*Newsflash* The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach. The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's
☻Ba Ba White Sheep	ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie
☻Leather Heather	there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together
☻Little Miss Drugy	little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.
☻Jack and Jill	Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER
☻IRA	what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth
☻Dear Mammy love annie	There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.
☻Cock Sucker Detecotor	This is a cock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... COCK SUCKER !!
☻Pink Vagina	Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?
☻Red Riding Hood	Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says!
☻Fuck for money	sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money