Sunday, June 7, 2009

General Jokes... 5

Two blondes were driving to Disney Land when they saw a sign that read, "Disney Land left"
So they turned round and went home.

Drink until she's cute
But stop before the wedding!

Guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter replies 'nothing special - we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die'.

He said: "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it."
She said: "You wear underpants, don't you?"

What's the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need; a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

General Jokes... 4

Never let a man's mind wander,
It's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !

Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he's always stuffed !

We had grandma for Christmas dinner?
Really, we had turkey!

This turkey tastes like an old settee.
Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing.

What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?

Why did the blond woman sneak past the pharmacy?
She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!

General Jokes... 3

Yesterday night I lay on my bed looking at the stars, then I wondered...
Hey, where on aearth IS MY ROOF!

I wanted to send you something that would make you smile...
But the postman told me to get out of the mailbox

Drive carefully:
90% of people in this world are caused by accidents...

God made man and then rested,
God made women and then no one rested

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
It's like when dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

blonde is on 1 side of a lake and yells 2 another blonde across the lake, 'How do I get 2 the other side?'
The other blonde yells back, 'U R on the other side!'

How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

What do u call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1987 world hide and seek champion

What do 7'tall basketball players do in their off season?
Go to the movies and sit in front of you

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went it would be hell

General Jokes... 2

Wht did 1 magnet say 2 T oTr magnet?
I find U V @tractive.

Hw do U kp an idiot amused?
W@ch ths message until it goes away!

Tre wr 2 cows in a field - Daisy & MaBl.
D: 'I've bn artificially insemin@ed.'
M: 'I dnt Blieve U!'
D: 'Straight up, no bull!'

Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But don't worry...
I'm sure science Will come up With something To help you.

How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer

There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed!
And of course adonkey to pay her bills!!

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,
because the average man can see better than he can think

Brain Search: Brain detector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your gsm....
still brains found

General Jokes... 1

Wht do U cll a triple barrel shotgun?
A trifle.

Wht do U cll a h&cuffed man?

Wht do Mexicns hv under Tir carpets?
Underlay! Underlay!

Wht's T maximum penalty of bigamy?
2 moTrs-in-law.

Wht do U get if U cross a skunk with a boomerang?
A bad smell U cnt get rid of.

Wht's T fastest cake in T world?

Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense?
I'll tel U l8r.

Y R dumb blonde jokes all 1-liners?
So men cn underst& Tm.

Wot do U do if a blonde throws a grenade @ U?
Take T pin out & throw it back.

Hv U hrd about T magic trac2r?
It went down a country road & turned in2 a field.

Cool Jokes


LovE is Not HoW LonG U've BeeN 2gEthEr; nOt HoW MucH U've GIvEn oR RecEivE; Not hOw MaNy TimEs U've HeLpEd EaCh OthEr --- Its HoW U VALUE EaCh OtHEr...


i håtê Smî|îÑg jûSt tO prEtêñD î'M ñOt hUrt. î hÅtE to gîGglê tO Show î'll ßê okåY. î hAtE tO laUgh aFtEr î Cry. í Stìll lovE YOU ßût í'Vé tó SaY gooDbYê...


Some newspapers publish untrue news, but there is one thing that is true. What is it? >>> Date <<<


Don't regret what you've did, but regret what you never did, go and say 'I LOVE U' to your loved one!


The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't get on well in life until you let go of past failures and heartaches.


Every girl wants one guy to meet all her needs, while every guy wants all the girls to meet his one need.


Last night I hugged my pillow and dreamt of you... I wish that someday I'd dream about my pillow and I'd be hugging you.


Be MorE Concerned AbouT YouR CharacteR ThaN YouR ReputationN BecausE YouR CharacteR Is WhO YoU ArE AnD YoU ReputaioN Is WhaT OtherS ThinK Of YoU!!!


When I look at you, my heart skips 1 beat but later that beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted on some thing i knew i could never have!


Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Adult Jokes

The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.

A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?

rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock


Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged