General Jokes... 5

☻Two blondes were driving to Disney Land when they saw a sign that read, "Disney Land left"

So they turned round and went home.

☻Drink until she's cute

But stop before the wedding!

☻Guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.

The waiter replies 'nothing special - we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die'.

☻He said: "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it."

She said: "You wear underpants, don't you?"

☻What's the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need; a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

General Jokes... 4

☻Never let a man's mind wander,

It's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

☻What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?

Tarzipan!

☻Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?

No you can have turkey like everyone else !

☻Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The turkey - he's always stuffed !

☻We had grandma for Christmas dinner?

Really, we had turkey!

☻This turkey tastes like an old settee.

Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing.

☻What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?

ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L !!)

☻Why did the blond woman sneak past the pharmacy?

She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!

General Jokes... 3

☻Yesterday night I lay on my bed looking at the stars, then I wondered...

Hey, where on aearth IS MY ROOF!

☻I wanted to send you something that would make you smile...

But the postman told me to get out of the mailbox

☻Drive carefully:

90% of people in this world are caused by accidents...

☻God made man and then rested,

God made women and then no one rested

☻Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

It's like when dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

☻blonde is on 1 side of a lake and yells 2 another blonde across the lake, 'How do I get 2 the other side?'

The other blonde yells back, 'U R on the other side!'

☻How do you keep a blonde busy all day?

Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

☻What do u call a blonde hiding in a closet?

The 1987 world hide and seek champion

☻What do 7'tall basketball players do in their off season?

Go to the movies and sit in front of you

☻Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went it would be hell

General Jokes... 2

☻Wht did 1 magnet say 2 T oTr magnet?

I find U V @tractive.

☻Hw do U kp an idiot amused?

W@ch ths message until it goes away!

☻Tre wr 2 cows in a field - Daisy & MaBl.

D: 'I've bn artificially insemin@ed.' M: 'I dnt Blieve U!' D: 'Straight up, no bull!'

☻Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But don't worry...

I'm sure science Will come up With something To help you.

☻How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her

How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer

☻There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed!

And of course adonkey to pay her bills!!

☻The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,

because the average man can see better than he can think

☻Brain Search: Brain detector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your gsm....

still searching.......no brains found

General Jokes... 1

☻Wht do U cll a triple barrel shotgun?

A trifle.

☻Wht do U cll a h&cuffed man?

Trus2rthy.

☻Wht do Mexicns hv under Tir carpets?

Underlay! Underlay!

☻Wht's T maximum penalty of bigamy?

2 moTrs-in-law.

☻Wht do U get if U cross a skunk with a boomerang?

A bad smell U cnt get rid of.

☻Wht's T fastest cake in T world?

Sc1.

☻Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense?

I'll tel U l8r.

☻Y R dumb blonde jokes all 1-liners?

So men cn underst& Tm.

☻Wot do U do if a blonde throws a grenade @ U?

Take T pin out & throw it back.

☻Hv U hrd about T magic trac2r?

It went down a country road & turned in2 a field.

Cool Jokes

☻ VALUE OF LOVE

LovE is Not HoW LonG U've BeeN 2gEthEr; nOt HoW MucH U've GIvEn oR RecEivE; Not hOw MaNy TimEs U've HeLpEd EaCh OthEr --- Its HoW U VALUE EaCh OtHEr...

☻ STILL LOVING U

i håtê Smî|îÑg jûSt tO prEtêñD î'M ñOt hUrt. î hÅtE to gîGglê tO Show î'll ßê okåY. î hAtE tO laUgh aFtEr î Cry. í Stìll lovE YOU ßût í'Vé tó SaY gooDbYê...

☻ NEWSPAPER

Some newspapers publish untrue news, but there is one thing that is true. What is it? >>> Date <<<

☻ NEVER REGRET WHAT YOU DO

Don't regret what you've did, but regret what you never did, go and say 'I LOVE U' to your loved one!

☻ YOUR FUTURE

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't get on well in life until you let go of past failures and heartaches. ☻ NEEDS Every girl wants one guy to meet all her needs, while every guy wants all the girls to meet his one need. ☻ HUGGING YOU Last night I hugged my pillow and dreamt of you... I wish that someday I'd dream about my pillow and I'd be hugging you. ☻ CHARACTER VS REPUTAION Be MorE Concerned AbouT YouR CharacteR ThaN YouR ReputationN BecausE YouR CharacteR Is WhO YoU ArE AnD YoU ReputaioN Is WhaT OtherS ThinK Of YoU!!! ☻ 1 HEARTBEAT When I look at you, my heart skips 1 beat but later that beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted on some thing i knew i could never have! ☻ GIRLS ARE LIKE... Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Adult Jokes

☻The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

☻Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.

☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

☻Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?

☻rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

☻LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

☻Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

☻Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.

☻Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged