Sexy Nicks & Jokes....4

☻What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET

☻A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"

☻Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble!

☻Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"

☻Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever!

☻Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!!

Sexy Nicks & Jokes....3

☻Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER

☻what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth

☻There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.

☻This is acock sucker detector

Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....

The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...

COCK SUCKER !!

☻Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

☻Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!

☻sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money

☻What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents

Sexy Nicks & Jokes....2

☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!

☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!

☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job

☻Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!

☻Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!

☻LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!

☻When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!

☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!

☻There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together

☻little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed .

Sexy Nicks & Jokes....1

☻Leather Heather
there was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together


☻Little Miss Drugy
little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.


☻Jack and Jill
Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER


☻IRA
what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth

☻Dear Mammy love annie
There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.

☻Pink Vagina
Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

☻Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it's a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!



☻Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!



☻Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!



☻3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants

☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!

☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!

☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!

☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!

☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?

Sex Jokes...10

☻Yo Mama
Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.

☻Mary Stinks
Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!

☻Mary's Duck
mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!

☻Tampons
whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts!

☻Sex is like Maths
sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs...
and MULTIPLY!

☻Suspense
how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!

☻Statistics
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS

☻Farmer Joneshas
farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field
he's got no sheep to shag

☻Gary Gliter
*Newsflash*
The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach.
The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's

Sex Jokes...9

☻Rhyme
a mans ocupation
is to stick hiscockulation
up a wommens ventulation to
increase the population of the
younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down!

☻NewsFlash
*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !

☻Nutella
I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella.

☻U and the Pope
do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)

☻Durex
Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex

☻Old Days
in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented.

☻Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol
Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..

☻Kiss Me
Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!

☻How many letters
How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!

☻My Roof?
last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof??

Sex Jokes...8

☻Men like toilets

MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order
2)dey stink
3)the nice ones r always engaged
4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid
5)rconstantlt full of shit!


☻Mary's bush

Mary Mary, quitecontrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!

☻Horny

Roses are red, voilets arecorny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!

☻5 bad things to say to a naked guy

5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains urcar!
2)but still work,right?
3)r ucold?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!

☻Hickory, dickory, dock
Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin mecock,daclock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block!

☻Mary had a little lamb
Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!

☻Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!

☻Being a student
Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!

☻Down on her Knees

Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job!