Family Jokes (Part 1)

I can’t hear you
An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.

Family Tradition
The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

School Troubles
When I arrived for my daughter’s parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling me that my little girl didn’t always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty.

What is Sex?
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, “Daddy, what is sex?”

The Tooth Fairy
After losing another tooth, eight-year-old Timmy became more curious about the elusive tooth fairy.

Not Gonna Do It
An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him.

Discipline
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter’s office.

Thinking of Mom
A young man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder.

The System
Each Friday night Bill drove his wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill.

Little Sally
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school.

Pregnancy FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Expecting
Four expectant fathers were in the hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations, you’re the father of twins.”

A Financial Education
A young boy goes off to college, but about a third of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him.

It’s the Way My Mom Taught Me
One day a little girl was watching her mom make roast beef. Her mother cut off the ends, wrapped it in string, seasoned it and set it in the roasting pan.

Providing for the Family
It had been many years since the embarrassing day when the young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop. She confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it?

Large Family
Ben came from a large family. He had five sisters and three brothers.