I have Contacts
A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license.
Negotiating a trip home
Bob had been shopping downtown all day with his wife and four little children. They were all so tired, he decided to take a taxicab home.
Something from the Bar?
A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago, biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”
Just Plane Dumb
The military commander had grown increasingly anxious over rumors of an impending air strike from the enemy. So, he summoned a corporal. “I want you to climb that mountain and report any signs of a military activity.”
Directions
A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.
Middle Age…
Middle age is when you go to the doctor and you realize you know have to pay someone to look at you naked.
That’s Disgusting
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Unique Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.
Door to Door
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.
The high school senior and her parents were visiting a prestigious university.
The Deposit
One afternoon a young bank teller met her aunt downtown for lunch.
Stalled
A man’s car was stalled in the middle of a busy street, and the woman behind him honked continuously as he tried to restart it.
The Old Man & the Truck Stop
An old man was eating in a truck stop when three members of a motorcycle gang walked in.
Memories
An 80-year-old couple was having problems remembering things so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
Nervous Flyer
A man has an hour to wait before his flight to Los Angeles. He decides to kill some time at the airport bar.
Wild Chickens
Poor Robert was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in.
Big John
A very slightly built bus driver named Bob was running his route one day when a big hulk of a guy got on.
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