Family Jokes (Part 2)

Telling Time
Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with “the boys.” I told my new bride that I would be home by midnight … promise!

That’s Once…
It was 1850, and the old widower had just married a young bride. They left the church for home in a wagon pulled by a mule. Within a couple of minutes, the mule stumbled.

Light a Candle
Mrs. O’Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O’Rafferty.

The Ultimate Computer
The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company’s production line as the guided tour arrived.

Proud Mothers
Three mothers are sitting on a park bench in Miami Beach talking about (what else?) how much their sons love them.

Worthless
“I’m ashamed of the way we live,” a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. “My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food.

The Census
A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her the names and ages of her children.

Cold & Wet
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner.

A Teenager Is…
-A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

Dogs & Cats & Teenagers
I just realized that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate — teenagers are cats. It’s so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm [...]

A Letter From Mom
Dear Son,Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I’m writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won’t know the house when you come home. We’ve moved.

Choose Your Weapon
A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.

That’s Nice
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, “As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.”

Remembering Mom
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

Caught Swearing
The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.

Dinner Guests
My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”