Pondering Jokes

Who Reads Newspapers?
The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

Useful Phrases for High Stress Days
Do I really look like a people person?

Tipping the Dealer
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

Chocolate Rules
If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

Confusing Name
The famous Olympic skier Picabo (pronounced Peek-A-boo) Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

Food and Drink might be deadly!
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

More to Ponder
A backward poet writes inverse.

Useful Metric Conversions
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone

Test Your I.Q
Answers are at the bottom. No fair cheating unless you are a politician under oath.

Useful English System Unit Conversions
Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

Daffynitions
Every year the Washington Post conducts a contest in which readers are asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition. Here are some of this year’s winners:

Paradoxes
From George CarlinThe paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

Counter Proverbs
- Actions speak louder than words.
-or- The pen is mightier than the sword.

More Signs
Spotted in the toilet of a London office: “Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.”

Natural Laws
“The Law of Volunteering”If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.