Men & Woman Jokes (Part 1)

Bruised old man
Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on the man’s shins.

Known by the Company You Keep
Marvin was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast.

I would do anything to pass this exam
A beautiful female college student comes to a young professor’s office.

The Remote
Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases.

Special Day
Over breakfast, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”

Sharing
A couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.

Gender Roles
Barbara Walters had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.

Tightly Packed
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was obviously delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.

Substitutions
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The Surprise
On a whim a man decided to get his wife a dozen roses and surprise her after work.The minute he opened the door, his wife started screaming at him, “This is the worst day that I have EVER had! The kids have been terrible. They got in a food fight, the washing machine broke and [...]

Lowered Expectations
What A Woman Wants In A Man Before She is 40

You Look Familiar
A completely inebriated man walks into a bar. After staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, he walks over to her and pinches her on the fanny.

No Win Situation
One evening a man drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although it was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous rather easily.

Ruled by Women
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

Let’s Pretend
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat.

Watch closely
The young couple was at a baseball game. About halfway through the game, they noticed a much older couple in the seats below them.