Life Jokes (Part 2)

Pretzels
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each.

You Talkin’ to Me?
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years, chatting, and enjoying each other’s friendship.

A Well Planned Life
Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school together many years ago.

Always Polite
A robust-looking gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some very expensive Napoleon brandy.

Before and After Falling In Love
Before - You take my breath awayAfter - I feel like I’m suffocating

Your Heavenly Home
The story goes that a preacher and a bus driver both passed away at the same time and were both entering Heavens gate.

The Benefits of Growing Older (and you thought there weren’t any)
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

The Retired Preacher
A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one.

Proposed Alcohol Warning Labels
WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring stories over and over.

Little Buddy
Rodney walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy here.”

A Very Fast Moped
A young man goes out and buys one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world, a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo.

Rude Awakening
A man and his wife are awakened at 3:30 a.m. by a knock on the door. “I’m not getting out of bed at this hour,” he thinks and rolls back over.

Traffic Hazard
A policeman was on patrol when he came upon a line of cars stopped at a light with horns blasting. The light directing that lane of traffic was green. He pulled out of line and stopped alongside of the first car in line to see what the problem was.

Success
Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business.

The Great Escape
Three thieves — a smart guy, an average guy and a dumb guy, are arrested and sent to prison for stealing a car.

Hallmark Card Rejects
I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.